I hate you

~

I hate you, for allowing yourself to put me through this pain. 

I hate you for picking me up so many times and throwing me down all over again, 

I hate you for having the heart to play mine. 

I hate you to actually have the guts to look me in the eye and tell me that you love me.

I hate you for not being honest. 

I hate you for giving me the best and worst memories to remember for the rest of my life.

I hate you for coming into my life and wrecking it. 

I hate you for making me look like a fool. 

But i hate myself,

 for allowing you into my life and giving you a chance to mess with my feelings,

I hate myself more for loving you. 

I won't deny that i have some strong feelings for you, but I can assure you that they will all turn into dust as time past us by. Yes i hate you but i don't blame you, i wont blame you at all, it's not your fault that i fell in love with you, i should've seen this coming, take it as I was too blind to figure it out first. But I'm strong, i know im better than this, and instead of faulting you for my heartbreak I'm gonna thank you instead, yes there'll be times i'm going to break down and cry for you and it's not because im weak, but because i tried to stay strong for too long. I thank you for giving me a chance to remind myself how deep I can fall and that i should restrain myself the next time love happens. I thank you for giving me a chance to also redeem my self worth, that i should always love myself even when someone doesn't love me anymore. I know it's against your will and I know you, no matter how much anger you show just to hide your humanity, I know the real you, a you that will be heartbroken to see me heartbroken, you're not as heartless and monstrous as you try to be, I know there's a deeper you inside all these walls, a you that was broken once and a you that's full of scars. But please don't ever put any girl into a situation that you've been in just because you're afraid, nobody deserves that and i'm not saying that you deserve to be ill treated too. That girl who put you through all those pain, it was your scars but her mistakes, it was also your battle, now you are my battle. Go to sleep tonight, close your eyes and think of me, i'll do my part and apologise for every wrong doings i've done to you to ever made you upset, but will you admit? Will you go think through every single time you've hurt me when you close your eyes tonight? Will you admit that those times that i've cried myself to sleep, or on the phone with you and those time i've cried right in your face, will you admit it was your fault, it was your wrong doing that got me into such painful situations? Because i did, i admit every pain that I inflicted onto you was my fault and I'm truly sorry. So I hope you are not as heartless as you try and put yourself out to be and feel sorry for me.

Even though you didn't apologise to me, but I want you to know, I forgive you, all those painful memories you put me through, I forgive you and I'm hoping with all my heart that you'd forgive me too.

& in whatever you do from today and whoever you date, I hope you an eternal happiness. 

-

I will always love you, xoxo